goodbye to sleep, i think this staying up is exactly what i need. [28 Nov 2006|01:38am] [ music | brand new - degausser ] i just typed the wrong password in about 4 times. i guess that means i should update more or something. but i never really have anything to write about, which is a good thing. because whenever i write in here it means somethings bothering me. except things have been going pretty good. so i dont know. i turn 18 in like, 33 days. ciggarettes & strip clubs...yaahh. this year is flying by. its almost scary that december is in a few days. which means, bayside, brand new, & christmas<3. 10 things about 10 people 1. I love how you have so much energy, and a positive outlook on everything. i love that weve been best friends since preschool<3 2. its discusting what you've become. i hate how you do drugs everyday. i hate how i had to call you all summer, and when i stopped was when we stopped talking. i hate how you're a bitch to me for no reason, and u can just throw our freidnship away so you can snort coke in peoples bathrooms. 3. i wish we hung out as much as we used to. i kind of hate how your boyfriend takes up all your time. 4. we dont talk anymore and it sucks. i hate how you act like nothing ever happened. i hate how we went from hanging out every day to this. i wish things never changed. i still think about you everyday. 5. im glad we grew so close in so little time. i dont think i know what i would do without you in my life. you always tell me things straight up. your not afraid to say what your thinking. and you always have my back. and i love you for it. 6. whether we're just at the gym or at a party, i always have fun with you. i love how you can take control of things and your responsible, cause i'm not haha. 7. i cant think of anything to say. your just perfect. and i wish i had feelings for you, but i dont. and that bothers me. 8. i know youre a good person, sometimes you just have a hard time showing it. it bothers me how you act like i mean nothing to u. & i hate that we didnt talk for like 4 months and i still dont know why. i hate how i forgive u so easily. i hate the fact that i still care about you when i shouldnt at all. 9. even though we met through an std, im so glad we're friends. even if we're just hanging out at someones house or driving around, we always have a good time together. i love that your so easy to talk to, and you never let anything bother you. your such a good person and i want you to always be in my life. 10. i love being with you. i love how your not like every other boy. 1 comment

where the hell are you when i need you [28 Sep 2006|07:47pm] [ music | dropkick murphys - walk away ] sometimes i wish i could go back in time. dont get me wrong, life is really good right now. just, i dont know..i miss some things i guess. iwishwestayedfriends. comment

those three words are said too much, they're not enough [05 Sep 2006|11:37pm] [ music | snow patrol ] last night i probably got an hour of sleep. i just stayed up thinking about everything. i finished speak last night too...its such a good book. kind of sucks that summers over. but whatever. i got trashed everynight and went to warped tour. ha. thats all that matters. & we get out in may anyways...yaaaah seniors<3 my first day of school was today. it was pretty good...i just need to change my block 6 on thursday. what was i thinking signing up for algebra 3? fdfgdsflhg well it was good seeing everyone. except one person. i guess i still kind of...i dont know. i just hate seeing him with her. but i'll get over it. i think my bellybutton is rejecting...again. i wouldnt be suprised. oh well. i'm going to jakes tomorrow so he can do biancas nipps...maybe ill have him pierce it again but on the bottom. and this time it wont cost a hundred bucks? haha. & i guess i'm seeing james tomorrow too. just to give him my bass so he can use it to record a song. i dont know...itll probably be awkward. but whatever. i need new gauges since these are like two different sizes hah. & i'm so sick of my hair. im either dying it all black... or maybe red so i can match my new spicwhip...which im going to register tomorrow haha ...wooo? i love having things to look forward to. next week me & olga are going to see marilyn at suffolk. and the weekend after me & becca are going to visit melissa at johnson & whales. mad college parties kiddd. not to mention...oct 26 chiodos & atreyu nov 24 silverstein! dec 22 i leave for florida to see my beautiful erica<3! yaaaaaahhhhhh <3 goodnight 2 comment

this is the end...do you ever think about it? [17 Aug 2006|04:59pm] [ music | built to spill ] i know i havent updated in a while but to make a long story short, there was a 4 car accident on 93...and for not wearing my seatbelt, i guess i'm pretty lucky to be alive. the cop said if it wasnt for the steering wheel i would of went through the windshield. and if we were going any faster we would of flipped over. ryan chipped her tooth, cassandra got burns from the airbag, javiera lost her shoe somewhere on the highway, and britt got a black eye. my arm has like 4875 cuts from going threw the windshield and my knees are scraped and are like purple so my moms making me go to the hospital after work tonight. kjlhgkdjfgfh seriously, it was the scariest thing ive ever been through. i dont think ive ever cried so much in my life.  ( fghdfkgjh ) RIP mazda <3 1 comment

your just like everyone else. [01 Aug 2006|02:08am] [ music | tegan & sara ] i talked to krissy for a while today. shes getting moved to another hospital again. she went to mclean for two days before she got kicked out. i hope at this new place they'll atleast give her passes. i miss her. shes been acting kind of different though. but i guess going to 11 different hospitals changes you. anyways. warped tour in two days ! well..technically tomorrow. im pretty excited that im going with my best friends and i get to see teddy! even though its gonna be like 30574 degrees. well i should be asleep right now since i have work in the morning. oh and completely disregard my last entry... i dont know what i was thinking. night<3 comment

i can never go back to the way i used to be before this started [29 Jul 2006|01:58am] [ music | silverstein ] hes a hypocrite. he talks too much shit. hes a whore. he hits on everyone. we fight about the smallest things.     but i think i like him...oops =) 2 comment

i'll love you until my last breath takes you from me [16 Jul 2006|01:11am] [ music | chiodos ] last night we went to a party in salem. and a cop walks in. i freaked out cause i was drunk and thought it was cause we were making too much noise or something. but apparently he lived there? hahah yep, we partied at a cops house. tonight we cristened mindys new car. deffinitely the best blunt ive ever smoked in my life. i dont think theres been a day all week where i havent gotten completely shitfaced. and its just making me depressed. not even about anything. i just hate how one day everything is perfect and the next day everything is just a big mess again. dfghjk i just need to keep filling up my time so i dont think too much. because thats what fucks me up. and ive been doing good...until now. i hate memories i hate having to let someone go when it feels so wrong i hate wanting to die. but everything is gonna be just fine everything will be just fine comment

im lost in all of the words that would of made you stay.. [07 Jul 2006|04:46am] [ music | shindig - when words arent enough ] i feel like shit. it sucks when someone who could give you the most positive of feelings is giving you the most painful ones. and it's not even just the hurt, but how i cant even picture myself with anyone else. blah. its like i wish i died the last time we were together just so i wouldnt have to live like this.withouthim. its so hard to let go when the smallest things remind me of him, and knowing i wont get him back, and having to deal with thatdfhgdh i just dont know how he is such an asshole about everything. how can he just throw everything away. how we used to understand each other so good. when you know someone so well and they have such a big impact on your life, of course you cant just go on without them, totally out of your life forever. i dont know how he does it. how can he just say he doesnt love me anymore so easily, like its nothing. and regardless of everything hes done i still always wanna be there for him, even if hes not always there for me...its so fucking sad how i still care about him when he couldnt give a shit. and just remembering how we kissed and longing so much for that one more time. it just fuckign kills me. ...just kidding? comment

i'll be your distraction [25 Jun 2006|04:01pm] [ music | angels and airwaves - distraction ] so this weekend definitely started off summer with a kick. nine inch nails was amazing. but we could of done without the opening band. peaches or whatever their called? i honestly didnt think we would make it to the angels and airwaves show. yahh that would be my check engine light. it was on the entire way there and back. and my car would randomly shake. i really have no idea how we made it all the way there and home. lucky i guess. the show was sooooo good. angels & airwaves played a few old blink songs. & they played There is. suprisingly, even taking back sunday played a good set. i fucking love them. 2 comment

[22 Jun 2006|11:41pm] [ music | angels and airwaves - do it for me now ] and i dont know and i cant guess if its gonna be okay but now my last wish is that you do this with me kiss me here and hold my hand let me feel like i'm the only one i know you can wont you do it for me now? ahh the angels and airwaves cd is soo good <33 and im seeing them in Two dayssss! && nine inch nails tomorrow with nick & danielle. yaaahh my weekend owns yours. 1 comment

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